


Out Of The Dark Puddle

by DevilsAdvocado, Lucinas_Girlfriend



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Abusive Parents, Alcohol, Breastfeeding, Bullying, Child Neglect, Closeted Character, Coming Out, Cutting, Dead Named Trans Character, Dead Parent, Depression, Doki Doki Literature Club! Spoilers, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, High School, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Inner Dialogue, Meta Poetry, Mild Blood, Minor Injuries, Misgendering, Non-Linear Narrative, Poetry, School Clubs, Self-Harm, Sibling Parent, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Texting, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Trans Natsuki (Doki Doki Literature Club), Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-22
Updated: 2018-04-20
Packaged: 2019-04-04 14:48:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14022579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DevilsAdvocado/pseuds/DevilsAdvocado, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lucinas_Girlfriend/pseuds/Lucinas_Girlfriend
Summary: Is ink any different in a pen, in a line, in a puddle? Is water any different in a pipe, in a cup or spilled on the ground? Stories are fluid, and they conform to the shape of their vessel.





	1. Chapter 1

> Out of a Dark Puddle 
> 
> After a Spring drizzle, the water pools. 
> 
> Through the grass a toddler plays. 
> 
> Beside her, the puddle formed. 
> 
>   
> 
> 
> The pup, too young to understand. 
> 
> Pride in an accident elicits master's sigh. 
> 
> Behind her, the puddle formed. 
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Unbeknownst to the child the paint was spilling. 
> 
> A mess that would be a stern lecture was sliding to the floor. 
> 
> Beneath her, the puddle formed. 
> 
>   
> 
> 
> The summer heat was broken with a downfall. 
> 
> The gardener's toil was saved; the reward bountiful. 
> 
> Before her, the puddle formed. 
> 
>   
> 
> 
> The desperate need to obtain a lie: 
> 
> The teen choked back in hope and tears. 
> 
> Beside her, the puddle formed. 
> 
>   
> 
> 
> In beating rain, the tanks roll through the farming village. 
> 
> A parent huddles their young so they not be found. 
> 
> Behind her, the puddle formed. 
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Fingers failed to break the bond they fastened. 
> 
> Blood trickled down, from a heart that no longer beat. 
> 
> Beneath her, the puddle formed. 
> 
>   
> 
> 
> The gravestone above was worn to no longer hold a name. 
> 
> The winter snow melting was the only visitor leaving once more. 
> 
> Before her, the puddle formed. 
> 
>   
> 
> 
> A beer spilled, and drunken anger; 
> 
> Keys taken, a tragedy averted. 
> 
> Beside her, the puddle formed. 
> 
>   
> 
> 
> As hoses spray and sirens whine, the last two trapped are freed. 
> 
> Cat and owner carried out from their home to safety. 
> 
> Behind her, the puddle formed. 
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Months of waiting, sacrifice and pain to see new life. 
> 
> Through the trauma, new hope begins. 
> 
> Beneath her, the puddle formed. 
> 
>   
> 
> 
> The kiss, an embrace, that seals their holy ceremony. 
> 
> The brides cry in celebration and joy. 
> 
> Between them, the puddle formed. 
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Once a puddle is formed, it leaves a mark of where it has been; 
> 
> Out of a dark puddle a new story emerges. 

* * *

Chapter 1

It was another morning.

Mornings were always the hardest.

Sayori's body felt... cold. She curled into a ball, feeling weak. That feeling was there. Of course it was. It never went away. Never.

"why bother getting out of bed? i'm just a burden. all that work, effort... people will waste it on me when they see me. cleaning up after my messes. they all resent me. and if they don't, they should."

Mornings were always the hardest.

"I wonder... I wonder if being dead feels this cold."

Being too late to her first class and how much that would make people worry about her even more was usually what dragged her out of bed. She wouldn't risk letting anyone know. Thinking of how awful it would feel if someone knew... it was like a vice crushing her heart. She shivered, curling up into a ball.

"i'll get up later. there is no point in getting up now."

The least she could do was not be  _ more  _ of a burden to people. Especially Shuichi.

...

"Shuichi!"

Suddenly she tossed her sheet off of her, it floating down to cover Mr. Cow. She scrambled to get out of her bed, letting out a small yelp as she face planted. Not hurt, she let out a small giggle. She had to hurry though. She got to her feet, feeling the more spry than she had for any morning in the last month.

Today was the day she was going to get Shuichi to join the Literature Club. It would be terrible if he never joined a club and became some sort of NEET. He said he wanted to join a club and she knew the Literature Club was a great one. He'd love it.

"this isn't for him, it's for me. i'm so selfish. he doesn't need me."

She rushed through her shower, skipped shaving (thankful for the tall socks that were part of the school uniform) and got herself dry. Half dressed she started brushing her teeth... for her hair, a good brushing would take too much time, so she decided to just run her fingers through it a bit. Finally dressed, she got some cereal down. She skipped and hummed through her house, back to her room to get her bag ready.

"i'm even using natsuki. she's so uncomfortable around boys and i'm using her to bring one in."

Sayori stopped. She knew the club was a very special place for Natsuki. It was safe. It was pretty much the only place safe for her.

"that's right. How can i do this? i'm making her help me ruin her sanctuary. what an awful person i am..."

Sayori giggled then spoke to herself out loud. "Shuichi is the kindest boy I know. And I'd never let him ruin the club for anyone. And he couldn't. I know that if he knew everything about Natsuki he'd be even kinder to her." She was right at the last moment to leave on time but she decided to put some makeup on... mostly to cover a few blemishes.

"kindest boy... still need makeup on to get him to do what you want, though? or are you just trying to get him to-"

"Oh no! I'm late!" she tossed her eyeliner into the sink and rushed to get her shoes on. She bursts through her door and ran out. Shuichi was already a hundred meters away. Fortunately for her, he walked slow.

"SHU-I-CHI!" Sayori shouted. She jumped up and waved her arms. "HEEEEY! WAIT UP! STOP! SHUICHI!!" She started to run. Her dress shoes clacked with each hurried step; clack clack clack on the sidewalk. He turned around... and then turned back. But he stopped at the crosswalk. His posture showed annoyance... or embarrassment.

"Haaahhh...haaahhh..." It was too important to catch up to Shuichi today to take any chances so she gave it her all when she ran. "I overslept again! But I caught you this time!"

"Maybe, but only because I decided to stop and wait for you." Shuichi shook his head then looked at her with a dimpled smile.

"only because he takes pity on you."

"Eeehhhhh, you say that like you were thinking about ignoring me!" Sayori pouted at her childhood friend. "That's mean, Shuichi!"

Shuichi put his hands in his pockets and turned towards school. "Well, if people stare at you for acting weird then I don't want them to think we're a couple or something."

"Fine, fine." She grinned with just a bit of blush, "But you did wait for me, after all. I guess you don't have it in you to be mean even if you want to~"

"Whatever you say, Sayori..."

"Ehehe~"

Together, Sayori and Shuichi cross the street together to make their way to school. Drawing nearer, the streets become increasingly speckled with other students making their daily commute.

"By the way, Shuichi..." Sayori rushed ahead so she could walk backwards and face him as they walked. "Have you decided on a club to join yet?"

"A club?" His tone was incredulous, "I told you already, I'm really not interested in joining any clubs. I haven't been looking, either."

"Eh? That's not true!" Just the week before he'd said that he was going to. It was the whole reason she started this plan in the first place. Panic filled her chest, "You told me you would join a club this year!"

"Did I...?" Shuichi raised a brow, thinking this over. He then grabbed Sayori's shoulders and redirected her before she backed up into another student on his phone.

"Uh-huh!" She nodded, pretending like she didn't almost klutz herself right into another person. "I was talking about how I'm worried that you won't learn how to socialize or have any skills before college. Your happiness is really important to me, you know! And I know you're happy now, but I'd die at the thought of you becoming a NEET in a few years because you're not used to the real world!"

"You trust me, right?" She stood still, stopping Shuichi in the process. "Don't make me keep worrying about you..."

He tried to look anywhere but at her but eventually gave up and sighed, "Alright, alright... I'll look at a few clubs if it makes you happy."

He began to walk towards school again, now entering the gates, "No promises, though."

"Will you at least promise me you'll try a little?" Sayori positioned herself beside him again.

He thought for a moment before giving a few nods "Yeah, I guess I'll promise you that."

"Yaay~!" To Shuichi's chagrin, Sayori began to skip beside him. It was the happiest she'd been in a month, and it seemed nothing could stop that.

* * *

"Depression is an asshole" _ \- Actor Wil Wheaton _


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a product of the many many trans, non-binary and gender queer people who were interviewed to insure that the trans-narrative was authentic, positive and respectful.

> Pygmalion 
> 
> I was carved in alabaster.
> 
> By chip, chip, chip my form did take.
> 
> To be the pride of my master.
> 
> But he said he made a mistake.
> 
>   
>    
>  He said it must have been the wine.
> 
> Or all the stress he was under.
> 
> His thoughts and hands did not align.
> 
> Pleading my grace for his blunder.
> 
>   
>    
>  I am beautiful I said proud.
> 
> If I'd not meet their desires.
> 
> The error here is in the crowd.
> 
> Send not the divine into the fires.

* * *

Chapter 2

Monika sighed... contemplating if she was more angry or bored. "A Vice President of a club should not hate the club they are in this much" she assessed in her private thoughts while wearing a smile. She hated the bickering and infighting that happened every day about growing the club... budgets. "What budget, the club is about formal arguing. It's not a kendo club that needs equipment!" is what she wanted to shout every time it came up. But she didn't. It was an honour to be such a high position in the most well respected club in the school. 

She desperately tried to care as the President and the Treasurer argued about preparations for the school festival. That was months away. She just focused her eyes on whoever was talking. Soon she was relieved to see they were done and they were going to start up debates for the day. 

She looked around the room... it was a Wednesday, 'open debate' day. Non club members could come in and debate anything they liked with a club member. It would seem to be unfair, but club members were given no time to prepare. There hadn't been many guests the last few weeks and this day was no exception. Only one person in the room was not a member that day. His name was Akio Yamada. 

Akio wasn't someone Monika was too familiar with. She was pretty sure he was an underclassman. He was short, seemed feisty. His hair was buzzed short. His eyes... seemed bright though. When he grinned it was hard to miss a prominent canine. 

When open debate started Akio rushed to the front of the club room. It seemed he had a lively topic he wanted to bring up: the treatment of trans students at their fair school. His opening statements were... provocative, angry, and made for a poor argument. But he did back it all up with passion for the wellbeing of what he said was a marginalized group on campus. His opponent, however, wasn't as interested in the issue. 

"All I have to ask is this, Akio." The upper classman smirked, "Tell me why this isn't just your attempt to enter the girls bathroom?" The clubroom laughed and snickered at the retort. Akio was red with anger but too flustered to respond. It was a whole minute for the noise to settle back down, waiting for Akio's response. But he faltered. 

"Why would Akio need to say he was a girl to get into the girl's bathroom?" Monika interjected for the flummoxed Akio. "We all know members of the baseball team 'raided' a bathroom last month. Nothing was done about it. 'Boys will be boys'... no one admitted to anything so nobody got in trouble. I think Akio would have an easier time joining the Baseball team than _pretending_ to be a girl, don't you." 

Akio's opponent was silenced, Monika's gaze freezing him in place, daring him to try for more. Just then the President of the club clapped to break up the tense moment. "Well, this isn't your debate Monika. But it seems we are at a stalemate. Thank you Akio for joining us today. Perhaps with some experience your points will carry some more weight." 

Monika wrote a small note to Aiko asking him to stay after the meeting. She slipped it on the desk where his bag was sitting. 

* * *

It took some time for everyone to trickle out after the meeting finished but finally it was just the two of them. Monika sat on the side of a desk, a patient smile on her lips. Akio was visibly anxious. 

"Listen, you didn't have to set up a meeting just to tell me I'm not wanted. I wasn't planning on coming back..." He looked ready to run at any moment. 

"Oh, not at all. I thought what you did was very brave. But that's not what was on my mind." Monika turned and looked Akio in the eyes. Now her smile was genuine, her green eyes piercing with sincerity. "You weren't talking hypothetical, were you. You are a girl, aren't you?" 

His eyes went wide with shock, he started to sweat... His hands shook and his head turned away from her. "Wh-what? No. I don't know anyone like that. It was all just... hypothetical, like you said." There was a pause before he continued, . "Um. Just, hypothetical... Not that I am... But what would you do if... You know... I was?" 

Monika hoped she was doing the right thing. She'd never talked with anyone who felt something like this. She was working off pure book knowledge. "I'd tell you... That I support you. That your secret is safe. And I'd want to know your real name." 

He choked on what he wanted to say... tears already forming. "Na... Natsuki." She swallowed, visibly terrified. "You don't have to c-call me that or anything. It's no big d-deal." She was now red, staring at her desk. 

Monika took a few steps closer, now next to Natsuki's desk. "It's nice to meet you, Natsuki." Natsuki looked up to see a hand being offered. She sobbed, but tried to keep it quiet. Weakly she took Monika's hand, standing before her. 

Natsuki tried to form words, but her voice was held hostage by her emotions. Before she could break free, she saw Monika's arms open. She didn't hesitate: she dove into the hug. The dam was broken. She cried big, messy tears. She sobbed loudly. It was overwhelming. Joy and relief. 

"I'm sorry a-about your uniform." at this point Monika's blazer was covered in tears and snot around her chest. 

She just laughed... She was starting to tear up too. "I think you're more important than some dry cleaning." 

Monika wasn't trying to be humorous, but for some reason Natsuki stated laughing. That uncontrolled laughter that only happens when someone cries. Then Monika started to laugh too. Before long they were out of control. Their embrace broke as they doubled over. 

"Monika, ahahaa, it's not even funny!" 

"What?" Monika could barely pretend to be incredulous between her full laughter "My joke's not good enough?" 

More fits of laughter ensued, Monika on her knees bent over a desk, Natsuki having fallen to her ass on the floor. "I'm saying" Natsuki snickered like she was about to launch the best zinger in history, "I'm saying it wasn't even a joke!" 

They both lost it. Minutes passed of just laughing. Things would almost settle then the fits would come back. Finally, abs burning, they wheezed into control of themselves again. 

"Monika... Say it one more time." Natsuki was a bit sheepish, but didn't look away. 

"You're more important than dry cleaning." She smirked. 

Natsuki giggled "no no, I mean--" 

"Natsuki. It's nice to meet you Natsuki. Your secret is safe with me." Monika reached down to the short girl on the floor. 

Natsuki basked in that joyful feeling once more... but she had more on her mind. "Clearly you are the only one in this club that's not an idiot." She tried to be smug, still ignoring how bad her actions could have gone if Monika wasn't the person she turned out to be. 

"Who's the idiot? The people who can't tell someone is talking about their biggest secret or the person who got up in front of strangers and said 'hey, this group of people, which I totally am not part of by the way, should be treated better'" Monika had just the slightest smirk. 

"Listen, I just wanted to know what people thought. You need to know how hostile the environment is, right?" She wore an intense face as she started thinking over how bad it could have gone. She put her head in her hands. "I almost messed everything up... if my dad found out, I'd be dead." 

"The line between stupidity and bravery is very blurry. You're lucky that this club really is just a bunch of dense jerks who care more about how the club looks on a transcript than the club itself." She looked out towards the windows wistfully. 

"Sounds like the Debate Club sucks." 

Monika puffed a chuckle, "That would be a good way to put it." 

Natsuki leaned over, giving a cheerful smile to her new friend. "Then... you should leave. You don't like it. Screw the debate club. 'Don't invite misery', I always say. If you can choose to do something that makes you happy, do it." She didn't actually always say it, but it was a favourite quote of hers from Parfait Girls. 

Monika closed her eyes, forming her excuse, forming her explanation, how to explain why she needed to. She was expected. Only the best for Monika. But it all turned to dust in her mind. Natsuki clearly did things that didn't make her happy, but she had to for her safety. Monika wondered what excuse made sense for her to do something that made her miserable. 

"You know what. You're right. You are absolutely right. I am not going to put up with this anymore. I am going to make my own club. And it will be a place people like to be. Natsuki, do you want to join my club?" She smiled, staring right into her eyes. 

"Yeah, sure thing. I'll join whatever club you want to start. I like the idea of a small club... And I'd feel safer in your club than anyone else's. But... what club were you thinking of starting?" 

"What do you think about literature?" 

"I dunno... does manga count as literature?" 

Monika thought this over carefully. 

"Sure."

* * *

"We’re real, actual human beings with hobbies and cars and jobs and impulse control problems and a propensity to sing “Fat-Bottomed Girls” horribly out of tune." _ -Comic Writer Magdalene Visaggio  _


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While already warned by tags, this chapter goes into explicit detail about self-harm. If that is something that would not be healthy for you to read, please feel free to skip this chapter. A brief, non-explicit summary of this chapter will be in chapter 4's summary box.

> Dumb 
> 
> I once had a jack-in-a-box.
> 
> It was a toy I loved, the best I had.
> 
> But there was one thing that I did not love was the bells.
> 
> The bells on his happy head.
> 
>   
>    
>  Jingle.
> 
> Jingle.
> 
> Jingle.
> 
>   
>    
>  Just a little ring is fine.
> 
> He pops up and I clap my hands.
> 
> I put him back again and the bells are silent.
> 
> Safe inside his little home.
> 
>   
>    
>  Shhh.
> 
> Shhh.
> 
> Shhh.
> 
>   
>    
>  But one day the latch to his home broke.
> 
> He'd only stay in his house a little while.
> 
> Then he was out always.
> 
> At any time, the slightest breeze would sound the bells.
> 
>   
>    
>  JINGLE.
> 
> JINGLE.
> 
> JINGLE.
> 
>   
>    
>  When I woke.
> 
> When I played with other toys.
> 
> When I worked and studied.
> 
> When I tried to sleep.
> 
>   
>    
>  JinGlE
> 
> jiNgLe
> 
> jINgLE
> 
>   
>    
>  I took a hammer to my favorite toy.
> 
> I sealed him and his little bells in his house.
> 
> Shut tight like a paint can, he could never come out again.
> 
> The bells are now silent.
> 
>   
>    
>  shhh
> 
> shhh
> 
> shhh 

* * *

Chapter 3

Yuri was alone in the Nakajima residence. She was used to it, even though she was just in middle school. Her mother worked long hours as a politician in the city. Her older brother Kenichi was more of a parent, but he too had a busy life. Off with a friend overnight again. She hoped he was studying, he really needed it... but felt like he probably was playing video games with his friend. 

It was alright though. Yuri enjoyed time alone. She knew how to provide for herself, from food to entertainment. She usually cooked the meals for everyone, and she spent hours happily entranced with her latest novel. 

This day's novel, however, was done. She felt restless... curious. She decided to clean her brother's room. Inside it was not too bad of a mess. Just some clothes and papers out of place. Cleaning the house helped Yuri feel like she was accomplishing things, and ultimately it was relaxing for her. Before long she was done. 

Beside Kenichi's desk was a small set of shelves, lined with cute figurines. The lower shelves held manga collections that matched the toys above. She pulled out volume one of 'Parfait Girls' and read the first few pages. 

"How silly. This reads like it was written for seven year olds. Why does he read this?" Yuri spoke to herself, trying to divine why her brother liked it, "I expect better of you brother. At least it doesn't seem... perverted... or something." A few dozen pages in she gave up. She shook her head, reassured that manga was mostly a waste of good paper and ink. 

Her last book had been a mystery and at one point a person had hidden some important documents beneath their mattress. The idea came up while she made his bed. She stopped, pondering... "Wait, no. Kenichi is no spy. What would he hide there." She giggled to herself... but her heart was beating. The idea was so exciting. Her curiosity got to her. 

"There will be nothing, I'm sure." She lifted the mattress to find it was not bare. She pulled out the contents, her heart beating all the harder now. There were two small comics and some sort of tool. "S...surely this is just... normal things." 

She looked at the first comic. The cover showed a girl with fox ears and a girl with wolf ears at a hot springs. She flipped through to find it was a sweet story of the wolf girl loving the fox girl and inviting her stay at the hot spring, since she was homeless, it seemed. But while they were in the inn... things got... well, they got naked and kissed and more that Yuri really hadn't considered two girls might do with each other. It ended with the two snuggling with each other. 

"Kenichi... he's a young man. Young men have these things all the time. It's fine. It's cute, too. I hope this is how Kenichi will treat his wife when he gets married. My sister in law will deserve the best!" Yuri talked this out to herself... but she found herself fixated on the idea of cuddling so close with a girl. It was a new idea; it made her happy. She put a hand to her chest... her heart was pounding. She took a deep breath and tried to calm down. 

She checked out the next comic. It looked like the cover of a romance novel... but it was two men? It was something she'd heard of, of course. Not just that men existed that liked men... something she knew a few boys were accused of at school... but comics like this too. Girls found ways to get them, one way or another, and talked about how dreamy the boys were in them. "W..what are you doing with this, Kenichi?" 

She anxiously turned the pages. This had no build up. Very soon she saw strangely censored anatomy all over the place. This was making her heart race too... she was starting to feel a little faint. But she was further confused. She'd never imagined her brother might be gay... but she couldn't imagine why he'd have such a thing otherwise. And it wasn't so bad. It was... it was shocking and strange, but she loved her brother and if men made him happy then she'd just read more about being gay so she could understand him. 

She held both comics at once. "I don't understand brother. If you are gay, what is this one for? If you are not, why do you have this one?" Nothing she'd ever learned in life prepared her for an answer. But it was hard to think... hold each the images inside them kept flashing to her. Thump, thump, thump went her young heart. Only heightened by the guilt she was trying to suppress for invading her brother's privacy. 

She finally put the comics down and picked up the last item. It was metal; it was blue, but in the right light looked purple. It was pretty. It seemed to be in two pieces with a hinge. There was a small latch on it which she undid. It opened up to reveal a small blade inside. Shocked and frightened, she fumbled with the knife, nicking her right pinky before it dropped to the floor in a cacophony of metallic jingles. 

She winced at pain, seeing the tear in her skin, a tiny tiny flap free from the rest, quickly flowing with crimson. Without hesitation she put the would in her mouth and sucked on it. The copper taste was strange on her tongue, but also seemed somehow welcome. She concentrated on the pain and soon found her heart slowing down. Exciting as everything was, her heart no longer pounded so hard she could feel it in her ears. After a minute the cut stopped bleeding. 

She stared at the knife, splayed out on the ground. It has some sort of double hinge... the metallic blue casing swung around to make a handle, if set properly. She reached down and did just that. Bringing up to eye level she investigated it thoroughly. It wasn't too sharp, but she guessed it never was. It didn't look like it got used ever. Perhaps he got it to feel tough, she pondered. She was mesmerized. 

But now curiosity had her... and an urge came forth. What would it feel like to do it on purpose? Would it calm her again? Relieve her of the emotions that were still overwhelming her? She knew there was only one way to find out, and it was not something she could resist. 

Her teeth clenched as she dragged the blade across her arm. To her surprise... nothing happened. The knife was dull on the edge. She shook her head. "Brother, I hope you did not pay much for this." She smiled a bit and tried again: this time using the point. She felt pain, but looked and saw no gash. All she saw was a pale, white scrape. She held her breath again, but pushed this time till she could feel her skin pierced. It was a hot pain, but finally: it was there. She pulled the knife just a tiny bit. Suddenly the pain was more than she planned. It really hurt... and there was more blood than her little nick before. She smeared it a bit, seeing the blood get stuck on the little hairs. 

She sighed in relief. She was herself again. Calm. Collected. She took the knife and carefully cleaned it off. She cleaned up her cut and bandaged it up. The comics and the knife were returned. It was like nothing happened. It was time to make dinner, anyway. 

"I should get myself a better knife..."

* * *

"I have always had a fascination about what's inside a human being."  _ -Video Game Producer Hideo Kojima_  
  



	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As promised, a brief run down of chapter 3 will be here. 
> 
> Previously, we saw the events of Yuri some time in the past. She was in the Nakajima residence, her home, alone and cleaning after finishing a novel. Her mother is a busy politician. Her older brother Kenichi has often been more of a parent than her mother but more recently has become busy with his own life in University. Part of her cleaning got her into her brother's room and she found herself snooping. Kenichi is a bit of an Otaku and Yuri can not understand what he sees in manga, but doesn't dwell on it. Under his mattress she discovers three things he was keeping secret: two erotic comics and a fancy looking knife. One comic features two women, the other two men. In youthful ignorance, she doesn't understand why he has both... but the snooping and comics has left her uncomfortably emotional. By accident she nicks herself with the knife. She finds it oddly calming. She experiments briefly before cleaning up all evidence and tries to forget about it. A stray thought contemplates obtaining a knife of her own.
> 
> Once again, extensive thanks to Lucinas_Girlfriend assistance in making this genuine and thoughtful.

> Discovery
> 
> I came upon the ancient temple
> 
> Alter deserted, worn and bare.
> 
> I sought wealth from the people
> 
> Who once had worshipped there.
> 
>   
> 
> 
> As I gazed upon the walls
> 
> Gods and beasts of primal myth,
> 
> Realization upon me slowly falls
> 
> Of lives I had in common with.
> 
>   
> 
> 
> I lit the ancient brazier oil
> 
> Water for the font of stone.
> 
> The people sought in all my toil,
> 
> Turned out to be my own.
> 
>   
> 
> 
> My treasure was what I had learned
> 
> Not what I could have excavated.
> 
> And as the fire slowly burned,
> 
> It was I who was illuminated.

* * *

Chapter 4

Monika appeared nervous as she looked upon her crowd of one. It was the first day of the new club. It was just Natsuki. Reading some manga. It had been one week since she left the debate club... a decision that did not go well with the few friends she had in the club, who felt abandoned. She was right to expect nobody to follow her. The other friends she had were already well invested in their own clubs. She wanted to make a passionate pitch to them, but it seemed wrong to try and control other people's lives through manipulation. As tempting as it sounded. At the moment, she couldn't help but feel a bit of jealousy, though. She hoped at least one of her friends would be willing to follow her passion. 

"Everyone uses me. No one will ever love me." 

The room was so quiet that when Monika stopped writing her notes it was easy for Natsuki to notice. 

Natsuki peered over her manga to see the Club President staring at nothing... "Monika, is everything alright?" 

"Everything's fine." Monika's emerald eyes locked in on Natsuki and she smiled. 

"It's fine if no one shows up today. Somebody will show up soon enough." She gave her signature fanged grin and it seemed to put Monika at ease. 

The two hadn't known each other long but they'd actually spent quite a bit of time texting. Natsuki was happy to finally have someone who she could talk to about girl stuff. She shared blouses. shirts and skirts she found online and asked Monika if she'd look good in them. Monika wasn't a fashion expert, but she knew how to impress and gave genuine advice on what she thought looked good together... but in the end, she always said she'd look wonderful. Natsuki had a hard time believing her... she was used to being lied to, but it felt good that it was a lie to make her happy, not for the benefit of the liar. Monika, for her part, was absolutely sincere. She was happy to have someone be so clear about what they wanted. Natsuki played no games with her. She wanted a friend and a confidant. She had no hidden motives. 

The silent peace was broken when a girl made her way in. Short, messy hair with a red bow and a smile on her lips. Monika had seen her before: it was at the sports festival. Sayori Abe. She'd run into another girl in a race and tripped her up. Neither was hurt, but the other girl was devastated... she had really hoped to do well in the race. So Sayori went and pleaded with the judges, teachers and other runners to hold the race again. She said it wasn't fair for her to mess up the race. She was surprisingly determined about it and did convince everyone involved to redo the race. The girl did end up winning the race and from all accounts no one was bitter about the latter results. 

"Is this the Literature Club?" Her voice was uncertain but her smile lit the room. Both girls present turned to face her. 

"Yes it is! Welcome to the Literature Club! I'm Monika, Club President." Monika stood with perfect poise and charm, heading over to Sayori. 

"I'm Sayori. It's nice to meet you Monika." 

There was a brief moment of awkward tension. Sayori turned to Natsuki. Monika started to continue introduction when it dawned on her: she didn't know how to introduce her. Her mind tried to process the dilemma quickly. Certainly she couldn't just out Natsuki... but could she hurt her friend with her old name? What was she supposed to do? 

"Come on, you are an excellent liar. Just lie. You do not have time for a better solution." 

"You'll have to excuse me. I forgot that I was going to make some copies of things for new members! I'll be right back. Make yourself comfortable Sayori." With that she rushed past her and out the clubroom door. 

Out in the hall she sighed, both in relief and disappointment in herself. "I guess I better make something for new members, then." She rushed off towards a computer lab, ideas already forming on what to print out. 

* * *

"I hope I'm not causing her too much work," Sayori said to the yet introduced club member, "I don't want to be a burden." 

Natsuki casually closed her manga, placing her hands on it. She'd learned how to hide things with ease. Most people weren't that interested in giving a damn about other people. If you didn't give a person a reason to be curious about something they wouldn't ask. Hiding in plain site was often easier than hiding completely. If you swiftly put something away people ask why. Of course, Natsuki didn't consider that Sayori might give a damn. 

"It's fine. We hadn't really started." Natsuki held her hand out in introduction. "My name's Akio. It's nice to meet you." 

Sayori giggled, taking her hand and giving it a firm shake. "How polite! You don't seem much like the boys I know." 

Natsuki took the compliment in stride, "I suppose I'm probably not much like the boys you know. I hope that's okay." 

Sayori beamed and nodded. "Of course!" 

Natsuki was immediately struck by how kind and warm everything Sayori said was. She was a bit of a mess... her jacket wasn't buttoned up, her tie was loose and crooked, even her hair was frazzled. But it all added up to someone very cute. She was like a puppy. She adored her and was immediately jealous... she was what she wanted to be and feared may never become. 

"Well, I guess I'll keep being polite then. It's no big deal." 

Sayori peered at the manga in front of Natsuki. "Oh, you read manga? My friend reads manga a bunch. He used to talk to me about what was happening in them all the time. Like, this one where everyone had magic stuff they did, with a naked ice guy and armor lady... or something. And one about some samurai in the Meiji Era who didn't kill people with his backwards katana. Or something... Haha... I always got all that stuff messed up, but I loved hearing him talk about it." 

Natsuki hesitated... she didn't want to talk about her very girly manga. She had learned that cute stuff she liked got her mocked when she shared it... by boys and girls. But Sayori couldn't hide her disappointment with the smile she wore. It was painfully obvious, actually. 

"Well, this isn't really about fighting. Um, it's actually about baking... I just really like the cute girls, of course." She moved her hand revealing the cover featuring four girls in colorful attire striking animated feminine poses. 

Whatever sadness was on Sayori's mind seemed to evaporate with the reveal. "Wow! They _are_ cute! This is really cool." She tilted her head curiously to read the title, "Parfait Girls #24. I like this girl, her outfit is neat... but why is it so different? She looks so magical!" 

"That's Makoto. She's my favorite. She's the one who really is into baking. They all have their little secret quirks. Like Ayako here is really a cyborg and her love of parfait is partly because it keeps her processors cooled. It's silly I know, but her story gets really into what is the line between man and machine. Anyway, Makoto's thing is that she's magical. She makes magic by baking. See, if you eat her cake you'll transform. It's kind of a ways in before you learn that..." She stops, feeling self-conscious of her rambling. 

"Well.... what does she transform?" Sayori was a captive audience. 

"Ha... well, the first time is a bully into a frog. And then she turns Kiyoko into a cat. But that kind of saved her life and that was why. But, really... everyone doesn't realize that Makoto is regularly eating the cakes she makes." 

Sayori 'ooo's with interest "Then she isn't really Makoto!? Then who is she?" 

"She's Makoto, it's just that... if she doesn't eat her magic cake, she's a boy." Natsuki's heart pounded but Sayori clearly didn't sense any change. "In fact, it's not until #13 that anyone finds out. That happens because Ayako accidentally eats one of the magic cakes and becomes a boy." Natsuki described it in the way she thought was the safest. It was more or less how it was described in the manga's text, of course, but it didn't talk about it in very clear terms. But she didn't think Makoto was ever a boy any more than she thought Ayako became a boy when she got transformed. It was clear Ayako didn't think she was a boy... she just had a 'boy's body'. But the simple way she talked about it meant that if the conversation went poorly Natsuki could act like she didn't understand it either. She wasn't going to make the mistake of the Debate Club twice. 

Sayori is clearly delighted. "Wow! What a cool power. I wish I could become a boy." 

Natsuki is stunned. It wasn't possible... that she was like her? She could feel her heartbeat on her ears it was so intense. "Y...you do?" 

She laughed, "Well, not all the time. It would be nice to understand Shuichi a bit better, you know? Ah, that's my friend who likes manga. Sometimes... I just don't understand him. Maybe being a boy would let me figure him out." Sayori giggled, not paying attention to Natsuki's inability to decide which emotionto respond with to what she was saying. "And... maybe it would be nice to be a boy and be brave. Sometimes things get scary and I just... wish I was a boy." She smiled at a slightly more composed Natsuki. "That must seem kind of silly, I'm sorry." 

"Actually, I don't think that is silly at all, Sayori." Natsuki looked away a bit, nervous that she couldn't keep calm. It seemed she wasn't quite like her... she wasn't a boy. But do girls usually think like that? She knew girls weren't treated as well, so it would make sense if she didn't like being treated unfairly because she was a girl. But she didn't say that. Even if that was the case, could she really be so carefree about it? 

"So how do they stay friends?" 

Natsuki was a bit surprised by the question, "What do you mean?" 

"Well, he lied to them, but they seem to still be friends here. How does that work?" 

Natsuki was disappointed by the question, but not surprised. "Well, Makoto is more concerned with the secret being kept. So Makoto bribes Ayako with cake that turns her into a catgirl, which is special to her for reasons too long to get in to. But it's sort of an act because Ayako doesn't care. She is a friend no matter what. She just agreed because it made Makoto feel safe that the secret wouldn't get out." Natsuki felt a bit bad... she was wrecking a huge part of the plot if Sayori ever wanted to read it herself. 

Sayori was nodding to this, enthralled by the drama. "Ayako seems very understanding. She's a very good friend. But she wasn't bothered by the lying?" 

Natsuki paused... trying to put together her words. "Well... fans are divided about this, but I don't think she was lied to. Makoto really is a girl. She just... needed the cake so everyone would, you know... realize it." Natsuki tried to seem disinterested, but she was staring at Sayori to determine how she felt on the idea. 

There was a long pause... but Sayori's face was quite animated as she thought. "S...so... she's a boy sometimes and sometimes a girl... but really a girl, even when she's a boy... even though she needs the magic cake to be a girl?" Her tone seemed to be asking if she understood everything correctly... and her face made it clear that she was worried she was confused. 

"Yes. More or less, that's what I think." 

She paused again, a bit more thoughtful. "Can a boy be a girl? Without magic, I mean." 

"Well..." Natsuki swallowed hard... this was much more difficult than the Debate Club. "The... the theory is that being a boy or a girl isn't just body parts and clothes but who you are. So... yes, there are people that are girls even though they are boys." The words were clunky... Natsuki could have explained it more correctly but it seemed Sayori was more likely to get it explained like this. She hoped. 

Sayori nodded, seeming to understand. "Then... I think it's lucky for Makoto that she has her magic cake, right? But... it's a shame it's not real. For, you know, real people that are girls that are boys." 

Natsuki's heart swelled, even as she was regretting how poorly she explained gender. "So... you think someone who is a girl, but was born like a boy... they should be treated like a girl?" 

"Well..." she rested her chin in her right hand, "I think so. I've never even considered it before now. But it's a big world, right? And there is tons of stuff I don't know. But if I had to live with people treating me like a boy I don't think I'd be very happy. My best friend growing up was a boy... and I tried to do all the stuff he did, and I was a bit messy sometimes and I liked my hair short... so, every now and then adults would say I was like a boy to tease me. A few times they thought I was a boy! It made me so mad." Sayori's hands were getting animated as she got upset over it. "I can't imagine having that all your life! Could you?" Natsuki didn't get a chance to try and respond. "Oh, haha... well, of course you have." 

'Oh no', Natsuki thought, 'It's just like Monika. I'm too obvious.' She nervously gave a reply "What makes you say that?" 

Sayori looked a bit surprised. "Isn't it obvious? You just explained it to me and you're reading that manga about it. You've clearly thought about all this a bunch. You seem really thoughtful about it too, there's no way you wouldn't put yourself in their spot. I think it just kinda shows you're a good person when you can care about other people like that." 

Natsuki smiled out a sigh. "Can you keep a secret, Sayori?" 

Up to this point, Sayori did not feel the intimacy of the conversation they were having. Sayori, contrary to how she sometimes acted, was quite smart. But she was not an astute observer of human behavior like Monika. In the end, she was very trusting in her dealings with new people. "Yeah. I'm good at keeping secrets." Sayori's tone was quieter and she moved closer, as if anyone else was in the room. 

Natsuki took a deep breath "I am one of those people. I'm really a girl." 

Sayori put a hand over her mouth in shock, "Oh no!" 

Natsuki's heart sank... that didn't seem like a good response to what she said. "Oh... no?" 

"You don't have cake, it's not real. How do we make you... you?" This was the first frown Natsuki ever saw on Sayori's face. 

"I'm always me." Natsuki tried to reassure Sayori with a smile, "As for... changes. Much of that is stuff like... surgery and medicine. And I can't really get either of those things. It's not a big deal." 

Sayori's expression turned more severe. Even if she believed Natsuki it didn't seem like something that was okay to her. "It is a big deal. Right? I can kind of guess what surgery and medicine would do but like... that's not it, is it?" She takes the manga from Natsuki and points to Makoto. "She's not just... uh..." she vaguely points at the character, but it's clear she doesn't want to say breasts and genitals out right, "But, she's got a girl's uniform on, and her hair is so cute with little ties, and she's got pretty peach lipstick! You don't need a doctor for any of that, right?" 

Natsuki sighed. At least Sayori was smiling again. "Listen... it's not safe if certain people know. I don't want to get into it, but like... my dad can't know. I can't stress how important it is that he can't know. So... I don't have that stuff." She knew Sayori was diving in quick to help... she was overwhelmed by how much she cared for someone she just met. She adored Sayori already... and it was also why she wasn't mad that everything Sayori was saying hurt so much. 

She struggled not to cry... she was always struggling not to cry. Years of being told to be tougher and deal with it. When she cried with Monika it was so shocking she couldn't help it. And even though it felt good she still felt guilty that she cried. She was in control this time... she wasn't supposed to cry. The voice of her dad in her head screamed 'stop being a girl' from countless times she cried in front of him. She took a deep breath and tried to push on. 

"It's not a big deal. It's not important. I... I have two people now that I can trust to know my secret and that's good enough, alright?" Natsuki was not convincing herself and she doubted Sayori would believe it. 

"Two? Wow." There was an air of pride in how Sayori said it, that she'd been trusted. "But wait, who's the other person?" 

"Oh, right. That would be Monika." Natsuki had forgotten about how she'd just left suddenly... given the time she'd been gone she was now certain she left because of her. 

"Wait, wait, wait! You know what that means, right?" Sayori seemed positively giddy... bouncing a bit even. 

Natsuki shook her head. "I don't know... that everyone in the club so far knows?" 

"Exactly! That means when you are here you can be a girl, like you ate the cake." Sayori noticed Natsuki wince. She steepled her forefingers in worry. "Did... I say something wrong?" 

"No... I mean... I'm already a girl all the time is all." 

"Oh! I didn't mean..." Sayori stopped herself and got determined again, "I'm sorry, of course you always are. I just meant... you could dress like a girl, and have makeup and do all that stuff. Yeah?" Sayori seemed a bit anxious... she didn't like the idea of insulting her new friend. 

Natsuki was a bit lost, thinking about what she'd look like if she could do those things. A bit of a smile cracked on her face. "Sure. I guess I could... if I found a place to change and do those things. But like I said, I don't have those things. I can't have those things." 

"Oh that's not that hard. I have an old uniform from last year and you are pretty much my size. My mom is always giving me extra makeup when she comes back from overseas. She... I guess she thinks it will help me be more girly. And... as for the hair..." She blushed, "It's kind of embarrassing... but my friend Shuichi? Me and him went to this convention and cosplayed. It was actually pretty fun! But he bought me this pink wig. It's sooo good. It looks just like if you died your hair. I haven't really had a chance to use it in the last two years, though. With your hair like it is a wig would go on perfectly. All I have to do is find a place for you to keep it and there we go!" 

Natsuki was a bit stunned. "I... I guess that would work." Her heart was pounding though. It all would work. Even if there was new members, if she did it every day maybe they wouldn't know. "Only if, you know... if I do and people think I'm a girl then... maybe we could." She fidgeted with her hands, excited and not sure how to handle it. 

"We can do it! You're gonna be the best girl ever! Ah... I mean, you already are the best girl... ah..." Sayori's nervous search for better words was interrupted by Natsuki getting up and hugging her. 

"Shh. It's fine... and... thank you." Natsuki hoped she wasn't invading her space with the hug but... she knew what Sayori was trying to say and she was going to make something happen she didn't think could happen for years. 

* * *

Monika came in to see Natsuki animatedly discussing some plot point to a manga holding Sayori's complete attention. "Well. I guess you two know each other better now." 

Natsuki stopped and stood up, putting her hands on her sides. "Quite well, actually." Natsuki loaded the inflection to infer that Sayori now knew now too. "And where the hell were you, Club President?" She gave a humph and stared up at her. 

She gave a nervous smile, "I was making copies of..." 

"Monika, you aren't that scatter brained. And you were gone for twenty five minutes." Natsuki takes the papers Monika is holding. "These aren't bad... Who's Shel Silverstein? It's a nice little poem though. Nice touch... You must have already had something like this in mind." She takes one, hands one to Sayori who isn't sure what to make of the situation, and hands the rest back to Monika. "Why did you leave?" 

"Double down. She is not as confident as you think. Keep up the lie and she will doubt herself. You have done it before. You know it will work." 

Monika hesitated, uncertain what to say. 

"Just tell her 'I couldn't get the file open, so I had to remake it'. It explains the time, makes perfect sense. Add in 'You're being a bit paranoid, it's not healthy'. If she thinks it might be her fault, she will believe you. And anything else you say."

She thought of the times people had twisted what happened to hide what they'd done. Even her parents. She thought of the things that she still doubted because of this sort of abuse. It was so easy. 

"Do not pretend you are above it. You have done it before. You will do it again. Natsuki is not different than any other friend you have manipulated."

Natsuki was going to be different. Monika determined that Natsuki deserved better than she'd been treated. Monika deserved better than she treated her other friends. Admitting guilt was not something she really learned though. Too proud to say it, eventually her eyes shifted to Sayori, as if to meekly imply that her being in the club that day was why she had disappear. 

Natsuki grumbled at this, looking away in frustration. It was just as she thought. "Damn it, Monika. You shouldn't be this stupid. Unless I say so, my name to everyone is Akio. It doesn't matter if I hate hearing that stupid name. This isn't a game! Do you know what would happen if the other students found out? You remember the Debate Club? Not good. But forget that... do you know what happens if my dad finds out? 'Cause I don't! I don't want to know but it would be bad, worse than anything you'll ever deal with." Her anger chilled at the thought of her dad. "You don't understand how afraid I am of what he'd do." Natsuki seemed to shrink under the fear. 

Sayori didn't really understand what was going on, but didn't like the conflict. "I don't understand... you have another name you like better?" 

The question grounded Natsuki back in the moment and Sayori's sincere expression of concern and interest calmed her. "Yes. Well... Akio is what my dad named me but it's a boy's name. So... I decided on my own name. A..actually, Monika is the only one that knows it." 

"Can I know it too?" Sayori's sweet smile destroyed anger and fear with ease. 

"Yeah, of course. It's Natsuki." She blushed a bit, almost frustrated at how Sayori could defuse her. 

"Ooo... it's so pretty! And you've never told anyone before you told Monika? It must be something really special to share if you hate your other name." 

Natsuki looked back to Monika. She seemed good at hiding her emotions, but it seems she was hurt by what was happening. "Yeah... it's been really nice to hear someone call me Natsuki." 

Sayori looked between the other two, "I think if I knew you hated that name... and that you loved being called Natsuki, well, I would have a hard time doing it too." 

Natsuki rolled her eyes but smiled, "This was your plan all along, wasn't it? You're clever, but not enough to hide your intentions." She sighed and looked at Monika. "Listen... just... don't do it again." 

"I won't... I guess I just panicked. Sayori's right. I know how much you hate that name, but it wasn't right to just... run away. I'm sorry Natsuki." Monika turned to Sayori, "I'm really glad you're here. I think I have a lot to learn in how to deal with people." Her smile was soon joined with an affirmative nod from Natsuki. 

"I'm happy to be here. And if our plan works out, you won't have to worry about calling Natsuki by the wrong name at club meetings." 

"Sounds good. What's the plan?" 

* * *

“How many slams in an old screen door? Depends how loud you shut it. 

How many slices in a bread? Depends how thin you cut it. 

How much good inside a day? Depends how good you live 'em. 

How much love inside a friend? Depends how much you give 'em.” _-Poet Shel Silverstein_


	5. Chapter 5

> Laceration
> 
> The deepest of wounds
> 
> The worst artery sever
> 
> Are the words of children
> 
> That fester forever

* * *

Chapter 5

An eleven year old Yuri Nakajima was sobbing in her classroom. Before her was what was once her beautiful diorama. Dark and creepy, it depicted a scene from her favorite book: Portrait of Markov. Everyone in the class had to make a diorama from whatever book they wanted. Yuri's project was, if not the best, at least the one with the most effort put in. She had poured many hours into it... more than needed for the grade. The cardboard figures were well drawn for her age, carefully painted and pasted. The main characters were fleeing a mob of robed figures. Their expressions were crafted to depict panic, deceit, courage and capitulation. Now the expressions were mostly crushed. Except for Libitina, the main character. Her face had been scribbled on with a sparkly red pen, looking like she was crying sparkling bloody tears. Attached to her was a post-it note that read 'I'm a freakie dork' with the 'i' dotted with a star. 

Her teacher Mr. Matsumoto looked at the destruction with anger. "Who did this?" Yuri didn't expect the culprit to confess, but her classmates response chilled her to her core. There was snickering. Mr. Matsumoto got more sturn in his frustration. "Who did this. Someone here knows what happened." Someone let out a soft 'pff, who cares' but the teacher couldn't pinpoint who said it. He kneeled down to be on level with the crumpled girl. "Do you know who did this?" 

She had talked about her project for the entire time she was working on it, the whole of the previous two weeks, with anyone in earshot. Everyone knew how important this was to her. She'd been so excited she didn't realize how people responded to her talking about her book. The little laughs, the egging on, the questions that were pointless yet she was all too happy to answer. She had been a joke to the whole class for two weeks and just now was realizing it. But, while she could be oblivious to the motives of her peers she was not oblivious to their actions. There was one girl who it seemed was becoming her friend, she thought... asking the most questions. One who left clues as well. 

"It was Hina. It's the i, just like in her name. And it's her pen, too." While this was hardly proof positive, it was enough to get Hina to start deflecting blame onto a boy named Kyo, saying he had told her to do it. He said she'd told him to do it to 'teach that tall bitch a lesson'. This exploded into a heated argument over who was at fault and who convinced who of what. The class yammered at length behind the bickering and blame. Yuri quickly lost track of the conversation, though, looking over the damage. Most of it was beyond any sort of repair. 

* * *

Hina and Kyo had two day out of school suspension and hefty penalties to their own school work they had to make up. It really didn't end up mattering to Yuri though since it didn't fix her diorama. She got a perfect score on it, but that didn't mean anything to her at that point. She took her project home and many times tried to fix it but every time she started she thought of the note declaring her a 'freakie dork' and couldn't bring herself to start. 

As the school year continued things got worse. Hina and Kyo were well liked and they blamed Yuri for the trouble they got in. When she spoke up in class there were now whispers of how she was a 'know-it-all'. While previously people would at least humor her when she talked about her new books, and even sometimes show interest, now she received groans and rarely was allowed to finish a thought. When she ate lunch anyone near her would get heckled and asked if they were a dork too. Soon no one ate near her. 

By the end of the year, Yuri was all alone. Only her books remained. She'd lost all hope of having friends. It was just accepted. She came to believe she was just too strange of a person to be liked. She internalized the idea that she was most likable when quiet, especially about things she cared for. It seemed no one wanted her so she began to believe she didn't need anyone. 

At the end of the school year she looked at her old project. She hadn't done any work on restoring it. All it did was hurt her to look at. Tired of dealing with that pain she tossed the whole thing into recycling. She held her emotions back and didn't even cry. However, she did decide that she should read Portrait of Markov again. 

Pulling the book from the shelf she gave a small smile. She ran her hand over the ominous eye on the cover before flipping open the cover. Before the story began there was handwritten message for her. 

_Yuri,_

_I know you'll love this one. It's not very long, but it's very intense. It's scary, but I think you are old enough to handle it. I wish I could hear your thoughts on this one. I know you'll grow up to be a wonderful woman. Whatever you do, I know you'll make me proud._

_Love,_

_Dad_

The note was in her brother's handwriting. She knew this note had been dictated to Kenichi on one of her father's last days in the hospital. She smiled sadly as she turned to the first page of the book.

__

* * *

“There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.” _ Writer Laurell K. Hamilton_  
  



End file.
